No “crusty” does not refer to what is in their boxers. No “veteran” does not necessarily mean having served in the armed forces. Crusty is a producer of Smedley’s that at age 70 wrote that his biggest objective for the upcoming year was to “have more sex”. Yes, that was the entire content of his business plan that Smedley naively insisted that he write out. This same producer hid a remotely controlled fart machine in the conference room before a meeting that featured a visit from the Regional. Crusty fired up the fart machine while the Regional was speaking. About management respect for employees. On his first official visit to Smedley’s branch. The Regional was not amused.
Riley attempted to manage Edgar who was older than dirt. Edgar never went to any meetings and the branch wondered how his compliance requirements were satisfied. Edgar would show up about 3:00 in the afternoon, stay to about 7:00 and call his three clients. They would often do a trade but production was low. He finally retired under mysterious circumstances.
Riley also managed Pat. Pat must have been born bald. But his production was clean and fine for that firm. But he had one habit that today would not pass muster. After getting dinner in the two evenings or so he worked late, he would take off his pants and walk around in his boxers. Lilly white boxers. He wasn’t flashing or harassing anyone – he was just more comfortable that way. This went on for as long as he was working.
Here is a quiz to see if you too have a vet that qualifies as officially crusty:
1) Does he have 20 or more years in the business?
2) Is she at least 60 years old and therefore mostly bulletproof according to Human Resources?
3) Are his highest years of production behind him or even more likely declining?
4) Does she come in late and leave early?
5) Is he constantly telling “back in the day” stories?
6) Is she more or less unhappy all the time?
7) Does he blow off mandatory meetings at least 50% of the time?
8) Has she refused to use any product invented in the last 10 years?
9) Do more than half the producers and 75% of the staff roll their eyes when he speaks in public?
10) Does she call you “sonny” or “kid” or something similar?
Score: If “yes” 4 or fewer: Not crusty. If 5 or 6 yes: early crustiness signs. If 7 or 8 yes: definitely crusty. If 9 or 10: Uber-crusty.
Frankly, there is not much you can do with one of these characters. They are uncoachable. They don’t care about authority. They probably have screw you money to retire but don’t have much else to do so they might as well produce. Or they don’t have any money and have to produce in order to maintain a lifestyle.
Assuming they don’t step over the compliance or HR or sexual harassment lines, you probably have only one question to ask yourself: are they worth it? The problem is that there is not much you can do to them that HR will approve of. They probably won’t change firms. They probably enjoy torturing you. It may be a hobby they don’t want to give up. But you can win the battle of a thousand and one indignities if you feel you need to. Give them the worst office if they are at the bottom of the production ladder. Give them the least competent and/or most overworked assistant. (By the way this could be a win-win if the assistant quits.) Say no to every special request they have. Just make sure HR is clued in. And if they really aren’t any trouble, you can always just ignore them.
If you really want to fire them, you better have iron-clad, 100% solid, documentable proof that is sworn to by 37 nuns, 45 ministers, and a rabbi that they have violated some sort of standard or law or policy that has the death penalty attached. At a minimum. The fact they are ornery is not enough. The fact that he walks around with his male parts hanging out is probably good enough reason if you have given him three warnings. In writing. In the presence of the local federal district court judge. Assuming he is not an alcoholic, a prescription drug addict or a midget. Get the point?
Commandments? You can guess these:
- Do nothing to them unless HR tells you to or at least approves your plan in advance.
- Forget about much coaching or technology changes or new product introductions.
- If they keep their nose clean (and don’t pick it public very often), move on to bigger problems.
Does this case miss the mark? What’s a better way? Tell us your story: manageia2@gmail.com
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